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ZOMBIELAND:
DOUBLE TAP
(R)
It's
time to nut up and shut up...again!
There
have been so many zombie themed movies over the
years that any new effort seeing the light of
day has to work relative overtime in terms of
infusing some innovation in this over-packed
genre. I
think it's easy to forget what a relative breath
of fresh air 2009's ZOMBIELAND was, which found
a way of balancing gore and undead mayhem with a
satiric sensibility that helped segregate it
well apart from other offerings.
Cleverly amalgamating self-aware laughs,
splatterhouse action sequences, and a very game
cast that all seemed in on the subversive joke...
Posted
November 3, 2019
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MALEFICENT:
MISTRESS OF EVIL
(PG-13)
 1/2
Well...well...well...
Even
though I didn't admire it altogether too much, I
will give 2014's MALEFICENT kudos for one thing:
It represented an attempt by Disney to produce a
live action adaptation of one of its beloved
animated classics that presented the mythology
from the vantage point of the villain and not
the hero.
Considering
the unending slew of mediocre cash grabbing
remakes that the studio has been somewhat lazily
manufacturing as of late, MALEFICENT was a
decidedly different breed in terms of how it
re-imagined the cherished 1959 animated feature
SLEEPING BEAUTY instead of just copy and pasting
its storyline wholesale...
Posted
November 3, 2019
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DOLEMITE
IS MY NAME
(No
MPAA Rating)
1/2
He
handcuffed lightning and threw thunder's ass in
jail!
Ruby
Ray Moore wore many guises over the course of
his colorful career, from musician, singer,
actor, and movie writer and producer.
He's arguably best known for his
contribution to the blaxploitation genre with
his ultra low budget action comedy DOLEMITE in
1975, with the titular character seeing the
initial light of day on a 1970 debut comedy
album that managed to crack the top 25 on the
Billboard charts...
Posted
November 3, 2019
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THE
LIGHTHOUSE (R)
Boredom...eviler
than the devil
Certain
sounds absolutely terrify me, especially ones
that incessantly undulate in the background and
get under my skin.
The
new period psychological horror thriller THE
LIGHTHOUSE - one of the best and strangest films
of 2019 - contains one sound that proves to be
particularly panic inducing: a bass rumbling
foghorn. It's
like an omnipotent secondary character in its
own right, and with every new blast of it comes
an ever increasing sensation that something
awful is lurking around every corner of the
frame. Very
few films make you feel the isolating and
traumatizing dread of its characters the way
this one does...
Posted
November 3, 2019
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GEMINI
MAN (PG-13)
 1/2
Attack
of the clones!
Ang
Lee's GEMINI MAN is a new sci-fi espionage
thriller of some strange contradictions.
It
represents a pretty astounding leap forward in
the area of photo-realistic CGI, but at the same
time it contains regressive minded,
paint-by-numbers scripting that feels like the
product of something that should have been
released decades ago (the screenplay itself has
laid dormant for years, with many a filmmaker
trying to take on the material, but backing away
when the VFX technology required for it wasn't
up to snuff). The basic premise for GEMINI MAN is an intriguing, if not
somewhat derivative one...
Posted
October 20, 2019
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EL
CAMINO:
A
BREAKING BAD MOVIE
(No
MPAA Rating)
1/2
Yeeeeah
bitch, SEQUEL!!!!
The
new Netflix original EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD
MOVIE serves as a sort of prequel, sort of
sequel to the series finale of one of the
greatest TV shows in history.
Of course, I'm referring to Vince
Gilligan created AMC residing BREAKING BAD,
which aired for five deeply memorable and
tension filled seasons and concerned the
financially struggling and cancer stricken high
school chemistry teacher Walter White (Bryan
Cranston), who teamed up with one of his former
students in Jesse Pinkman (Aaron Paul) to
produce and sell crystal meth...
Posted
October 20, 2019
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MIDSOMMAR
(R)
1/2
Worst.
Eurotrip. Ever..
MIDSOMMAR
is the latest horror thriller from writer/director Ari Aster, who
previously helmed the eerily atmospheric, frequently shocking, impeccably
acted, but creatively inconsistent HEREDITARY.
That supernatural drama most assuredly introduced Aster as an
absolute master of terrifying mood and chilling tension, but the film, at
least for me (and I'm in the minority) really fell apart in its final act,
which seemed to traverse down a rabbit hole of overused and obligatory
genre troupes, which ultimately made it a hard film for me to
wholeheartedly recommend....
Posted
October 20, 2019
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JOKER
(R)
An
origin film that dances with devil in the pale
moonlight
I needed time
after screening JOKER to process all of its limitless complexities.
I resisted the urge to review it immediately after seeing it,
mostly because I was still decompressing from it...even days later.
This is one of the most talked about films - in terms of pre and
post release coverage - in recent memory, and one that has deeply
polarized the media, critics, and fans alike (I'll deep dive into that in
a bit). With all of the
smoke cleared I feel confident in just swinging for the fences by saying
that JOKER is definitely one of the most dread inducing and depressingly
disturbing films in a long while...
Posted
October 11, 2019
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AD
ASTRA (PG-13)
Into
the space heart of darkness
James
Gray's AD ASTRA (which is Latin for "to the stars") is an
unqualified and masterful triumph. Not
only does this represent an absolute technical marvel that frequently
inspires legitimate awe and wonder, but it's also a decidedly rare breed
of sci-fi star trekking effort that's more nuanced, thoughtful, and
thematically ambitious and contemplative.
The film is a visual dynamo, yes, but despite its embarrassment of
production riches AD ASTRA isn't slavishly reliant on VFX and mindless
mayhem like most other bloated space epics...
Posted
October 11, 2019
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RAMBO:
LAST BLOOD (R)
1/2
A
good supply of body bags sequel
It's
been an awfully long road for Jonathon James
Rambo since he was introduced in the early 1970s
in Canadian author David Morrell's novel FIRST
BLOOD.
That
book spawned a movie adaptation in 1982, which
delved into the back story of this former Green
Beret Vietnam War vet that faced a different
type of war trying to acclimate to his home
country after combat, facing a nation of
citizens that didn't think highly of the war and
his involvement in it.
That gave way to the more aggressively
cartoonish, but nevertheless entertaining RAMBO:
FIRST BLOOD PART II...
Posted
October 3, 2019
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BETWEEN
TWO FERNS:
THE MOVIE
(No
MPAA Rating)
1/2
Between
an interview rock and a hard place
The
new Netflix original comedy BETWEEN TWO FERNS:
THE MOVIE takes its name and premise from the
faux online celebrity interview show of the same
name hosted by Zach Galifianakis (playing a
version of himself) that was born on FUNNY OR
DIE in 2008.
As
the very specific title obviously demonstrates,
the web series had the actor - in various states
of being laughably idiotic and misinformed -
aggressively interview various movie stars...
Posted
October 3, 2019
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SHAFT
(R)
1/2
This
rebootquel is a bad mutha...shut yer
mouth...it's just bad
The
original 1971 SHAFT was an urban detective noir
that helped usher in the "blaxploitation"
genre into the mainstream during its decade in
question, and also made star Richard Roundtree a
bona fide box office star and sex symbol.
That film spawned multiple sequels, as
well as a sort of sequel, sort of reboot
in 2000, directed by the late John Singleton and
featuring everyone's favorite mutha f-bomb delivering
star Samuel L. Jackson assuming the titular role
(it turned out that he was actually Roundtree's
Shaft's nephew)...
Posted
October 3, 2019
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IT:
CHAPTER TWO (R)
1/2
A
second pennywise for your thoughts
IT:
CHAPTER TWO falls victim to the pratfalls of
many sequels in terms of mistakenly believing
that bigger equates to better.
Whereas
the 2017 prequel film (and massive box office
hit) did a solid job of adapting Stephen King's
source material (albeit with some fairly
unobtrusive tweaks and changes here and there),
this unavoidable follow-up suffers from an
egregiously long winded running time, some
unwieldy scripting, and many questionably lazy
creative choices overall...
Posted
September 22, 2019
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THE
GOLDFINCH (R)
1/2
As
enthralling as paint drying on the wall
I
experienced two overwhelmingly positive feelings
during my experience of screening THE GOLDFINCH:
(1)
The moment I entered the cinema with hope and
optimism before the film began and (2)
the moment I left the cinema when
it was over. I
pondered a lot about this film on my car ride
home, but the prevailing thought that came to
mind while watching - make that enduring
- THE GOLDFINCH was "Brotman's Law"
(named after the famous Chicago movie exhibitor
Oscar Brotman): If nothing has happened by
the end of the first reel, nothing is going to
happen...
Posted
September 22, 2019
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THE
FANATIC (R)
zero
stars
Pulp
friction
THE
FANATIC is a new stalker thriller of
embarrassing, almost unfathomable awfulness,
made all the inexcusably disposable because it
contains one of the most wrongheaded
performances by a former multiple Academy Award
nominee that I can frankly recall.
Imagine
I AM SAM cross bred with MISERY and THE FAN -
except more creatively bankrupt - and you'll
have a rough approximation of this inept piece
of sensationalistic trash...
Posted
September 22, 2019
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ISN'T
IT ROMANTIC (PG-13)
A
romcom within a romcom
I've
frequently complained about the relative
sameness of romcom entries, with so many that
have been released over the years all feeling
like they're made of the same regurgitated
parts. ISN'T
IT ROMANTIC is, at least in some decent
respects, an antidote this genre's most overused
conventions, not to mention that it's a solid
starring vehicle for Rebel Wilson (her solo
debut). It's
a romantic fantasy that offers up a pretty
intoxicating premise ripe for all sorts of comic
possibilities...
Posted
September 22, 2019
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ANGEL
HAS FALLEN (R)
1/2
A
bad day to die hard
To
this very day I've find myself still defending
my 3.5 star review of the 2013 DIE HARD clone
OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN.
That
Antoine Fuqua directed, Gerard Butler staring
action vehicle never once hid the fact that it
was a beyond obvious knock-off of the iconic
1988 Bruce Willis franchise/genre starter, but
it emerged as one of the finest emulators of
that cherished and very overused template and
wholeheartedly delivered on successfully riffing
on the bombastic films of a bygone era.
Having said that, I never thought that
the superbly engineered OLYMPUS HAS FALLEN was
requiring sequels...
Posted
September 9, 2019
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MA
(R)
Big
momma's house of horrors
MA
is a new entry in an increasingly generic
psychological thriller genre featuring deeply
unhinged psychopaths that initially manage to
find a way to befriend a small group of people
with false displays of amiability before later
being revealed as being dangerously unhinged
and, well, full-on evil.
This
Blumhouse produced effort concerns a group of
partying teenagers who become close with a
lonely middle aged woman that gives them access
to booze and her basement to party...but then
she's revealed to be an unchecked nutjob.
There's one thing that helps elevate this
fairly pedestrian material: the presence of lead
actress Octavia Spencer in the stalker role...
Posted
September 9, 2019
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READY
OR NOT (R)
1/2
Here
we come!
Just
when you thought that the summer film season was
all but over and done along comes READY OR NOT
to emerge as one of the season's real eleventh
hour diamond in the rough delights.
This
viscerally nasty, but darkly hysterical
screwball horror comedy benefits greatly from
two things: (1) a wickedly nifty premise and (2)
one of the most thanklessly committed genre
performances of the summer (if not the year) by
newcomer Samara Weaving, who runs the absolute
emotional and physical gauntlet here in a very
tricky role...
Posted
August 31, 2019
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GOOD
BOYS (R)
Bean
Bag Boyz 4Life!
If your idea of a
good time at the cinema is to spend 90 minutes watching a
movie featuring six graders drop frequent f-bombs - and many, many other
naughty words that would make the personas of GOODFELLAS cringe - then
look no further than the paradoxically titled GOOD BOYS.
As for the rest
of you...be afraid...be very afraid.
Okay, sarcasm
aside, let me engage in some hard hitting truth bombing on you all. Kids swear. Sometimes...a
lot...
Posted
August 31, 2019
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THE
HUSTLE (PG-13)
A
dirty rotten remake
Announced in
2016, shot in 2017, and then very unceremoniously dumped in cinemas this
year, THE HUSTLE is a remake of a remake that's inexcusable in its
wretchedness. The grifter
comedy - with the latter word being used loosely - is a remake of the
splendid 1988 Steve Martin and Michael Caine classic DIRTY ROTTEN
SCOUNDRELS, which, in turn, was adapted from the Marlon Brando and David
Niven headlined 1964 film BEDTIME STORY...
Posted
August 31, 2019
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TOLKIEN
(PG-13)
1/2
One
paint-by-numbers biopic that doesn't rule them
all
Outside of my
basic knowledge that he wrote some of the most cherished and iconic
fantasy novels of the 20th Century, I really don't profess to be an expert
or scholar on the life and times of James Ronald Reuel Tolkien, known the
world over as J.R.R. Tolkien, the creator of, yes, THE HOBBIT and
THE LORD OF THE RINGS trilogy.
Often considered the father of modern fantasy
literature, there's simply no denying his massive influence and importance
for the genre, which also spawned one of the most critically and audience
adored film trilogies ever made...
Posted
August 24, 2019
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STOCKHOLM
(R)
A
dog of a movie to not watch in the afternoon
The
new fact based crime drama STOCKHOLM takes its
name from, yes, the Swedish city, but the
film is also based on a 1974 Daniel Lang New
Yorker article that concerned a real-life bank
robbery and hostage situation that occurred at a
major bank in the city.
Taking
place at Norrmalmstorg square in Stockholm in
1973, this well publicized incident - one of the
first criminal events to be broadcast on live TV
in the nation - helped coin the term
"Stockholm Syndrome"...
Posted
August 24, 2019
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THE
FAST AND FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS & SHAW
(PG-13)
1/2
The
Transporters
To
quote its full and somewhat awkwardly assembled
titled, FAST & FURIOUS PRESENTS: HOBBS &
SHAW is the very first spin-off entry in the
seemingly impervious to death franchise that was
arguably born out of a reported clashing of two
massive action hero egos.
Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel apparently
did not like being in each other's presence
while on set of the last F&F film, which
meant that separating the pair and giving the
former his own entry proved inevitable...
Posted
August 17, 2019
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I
AM MOTHER
(No
MPAA Rating)
Never
to part...baby of mine...
The
new Netflix film I AM MOTHER is an atypically
handsome looking and thoughtfully scripted
sci-fi genre effort for the streaming network,
one that refreshingly favors compelling themes
and empowered performances over bombastic action
and VFX overkill.
Based
ever so loosely on the young adult novel THE
SEARCH FOR WONDLA by Tony DiTerlizzi, this Grant
Sputore helmed film represents a solid feature
debut for the Australian director...
Posted
August 17, 2019
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ONCE
UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD
(R)
1/2
And
the industry lived happily ever after
Writer/director
Quentin Tarantino was just a wee young lad in
1969 when he was growing up in the City of
Angels, with both that year and location serving
of prominent importance to his ninth directorial
effort in ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD.
Los
Angeles is, of course, a legendary place deeply
entrenched in moviemaking that, by the
filmmaker's own admission, has indelibly shaped
his life and career.
The film's title hints at not only its
fairy tale trappings...
Posted
August 5, 2019
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CRAWL
(R)
Here
comes the story of the hurricane...
CRAWL
is two movies for the price of one. It's a
monster horror flick about a real life aquatic
creature wreaking havoc on a deeply vulnerable
family and it's also an outdoor survival
drama concerning a dangerous force of Mother
Nature baring down on the same said family.
There's
not much here that really reinvents the genre
wheel, and the Alexandre Aja (PIRANHA 3D)
directed and Sam Raimi/Blumhouse produced effort
plays into the playbook of those aforementioned
types of films without straying too much away
from them...
Posted
August 5, 2019
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THE
INTRUDER (PG-13)
zero
stars
SOMEONE
CALL THE COPS ON THE MAKERS OF THIS FILM!!!
Two
things dawned on me while watching the new home
invasion thriller THE INTRUDER: 1.
Star Dennis Quaid is impossibly ripped for a man
that's five years away from 70. 2. This
movie really sucks. THE
INTRUDER is a double dipping offender:
It's not just an artistically lazy film, but
also a wholeheartedly unnecessary one...
Posted
August 5, 2019
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THE
LION KING
(PG-13)
A
broken circle of life
I covet the
original 1994 LION KING as highly as anybody.
Disney's 32nd and sumptuously 2D animated feature arguably
represented the highest artistic and commercial plateau for the House of
Mouse during that era (it came just four years into the company's new
renaissance and ended up being the highest grossing film of its year and
still remains the biggest money making 2D animated effort in existence)...
Posted
July 28, 2019
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AFTER
(PG-13)
Unhappily
ever after
The
new young adult romance drama AFTER is an adaptation of a novel of the
same name by Anna Todd that's so insipidly scripted that one has to
question how the book version even saw the publishing light of day. It
tells a story of hopeless mediocrity and numbing predictability about a
young "nice girl" college freshman that finds herself falling
for a "bad boy" that has multiple issues...
Posted
July 28, 2019
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STUBER
(R)
RIDE
SHARE: THE MOVIE!
STUBER -
which takes its name as an amalgam of the name of one of its lead
characters and the world famous ride sharing company - is another in an
awfully long line of throwback buddy cop action comedies that feels like
it's made of regurgitated parts from countless other films.
It wallows in a considerable amount of formulas and conventions,
not to mention that its premise, on paper, is pretty silly...
Posted
July 28, 2019
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THE
BEACH BUM
(R)
1/2
Consider
the 'McConaughnaissance' over...
Watching
THE BEACH BUM was akin to being forced to spend
90 straight minutes with an annoyingly
dislikeable goon that simply won't leave you
alone despite all efforts on your part to tell
him to "go away!"
It was one of the most thoroughly
unpleasant filmgoing experiences that I've had
this year, which was made all the more
unpleasant when one considers that there's
sizeable talent in front of and behind the
camera...
Posted
July 20, 2019
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TEEN
SPIRIT
(PG-13)
1/2
Here
we are now...entertain us!
Two thirds of
TEEN SPIRIT work really well.
It contains a winning lead performance as well as stylish and
evocative direction by a rookie director.
The remaining third of the film, though, that regrettably doesn't
work is its screenplay, which wallows in a lot of tired
underdog formulas that we've frankly been exposed to countless times
before...
Posted
July 20, 2019
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SPIDER-MAN:
FAR FROM HOME
(PG-13)
My
"Peter Tingle" is...tingling
The
super hero movie world was shaken to near Snap-
level proportions back in 2015 when Sony and the
Disney owned Marvel Studios hatched out a plan
to allow for Spider-Man to appear in the Marvel
Cinematic Universe on a reported five film loan
(Sony has owned the movie rights to the Stan Lee
and Steve Ditko character for years).
This
culminated with a first appearance in CAPTAIN
AMERICA: CIVIL WAR...
Posted
July 13, 2019
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YESTERDAY
(PG-13)
Still
my guitar gently weeps
YESTERDAY
is a new musical dramatic fantasy that has one
terrific hook: What
if you woke up one day and discovered that The
Beatles never existed. Now,
just let that settle in for a second. Just
imagine the musical landscape of the last
several decades without the work of the Fab
Four. Their
work was not just music, kind of like how STAR
WARS was not just a movie.
If erased from history, the ripple
effects of The Beatles' influence on multiple
generations of musicians would have, in turn,
never existed...
Posted
July 13, 2019
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HIGH
LIFE
(R)
To
infinity...and beyond!
There have been
enough science fiction films that have explored space travel to literally
fill a black hole, which leaves most new entries having to work overtime
to overcome stale genre lethargy. HIGH LIVE falls
into the aforementioned category, but its genius is in how deceptively it
transcends the obligatory accoutrements of these types of space trekking
tales, partially because of its masterfully economic scale, but mostly because
it's the exact polar opposite of what viewers have come to expect from the
genre...
Posted
July 13, 2019
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TOY
STORY 4
(PG)
Once
again, you got a friend in me...
Pixar
has absolutely nothing to prove.
The
pioneering animation studio was solely
responsible for fundamentally altering the
landscape of movies forever with the release of
1995's TOY STORY, which was the very first
animated feature film done entirely with
computers.
Much like what the original STAR WARS did
for visual effects, the John Lasseter directed
TOY STORY opened up a whole new portal into how
animated films could be conceived and created...
Posted
July 4, 2019
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DOMINO
(R)
De
Palma's way
I
fondly recall a time when seeing a Brain De
Palma film reached event status levels
for me. The
stylish and acclaimed auteur made some of the
most memorable films of the 1970s and 1980s in
CARRIE, BLOW OUT, SCARFACE, and THE
UNTOUCHABLES. This led to a bit of a career slowdown in the 90s, and for
every solid effort like CARLITO'S WAY and
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE there were colossal misfires
like THE BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES...
Posted
July 4, 2019
|
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MEN
IN BLACK: INTERNATIONAL
(PG-13)
1/2
Can
this sequel be neuralized out of existence?
The
somewhat more inclusive minded titled MEN IN
BLACK: INTERNATIONAL is a pretty bland and
creatively lackluster sequel that, last I
checked, not too many people were clamoring for,
especially without the series' lead actors or creative
personnel returning.
It's the fourth film in the science
fiction comedy franchise...
Posted
June 25, 2019
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|
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LATE
NIGHT (R)
1/2
And
heeeeeeeeere's...Mindy!
LATE
NIGHT is an intelligently written, wonderfully
acted, and hilariously insightful workplace
comedy that feels like a most joyous and welcome
antidote to the current summer film season's
witless remakes and wrongheaded sequels.
It's
not only a riotously funny expose on the behind
the scenes mechanizations of a fictitious late
night talk show program, but is also a highly
topical and relevant tale of how race, gender,
and modern feminism figures into a male
dominated profession...
Posted
June 25, 2019
|
|
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THE
DEAD DON'T DIE (R)
A
mostly dead on arrival horror comedy
THE
DEAD DON'T DIE is a new zombie themed effort
that felt more like a bizarre and frequently
frustrating to endure curiosity piece than it
did a fully fledged and realized horror comedy. The
fact that it boasts an impressively assembled
and eclectic cast and the idiosyncratic
writer/director Jim Jarmusch at the creative
helm made my enthusiasm going in exceedingly
high...
Posted
June 25, 2019
|
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DARK
PHOENIX (PG-13)
Not
exactly rising from the series ashes
There's
an unintentionally hilarious - and quite meta -
line of dialogue uttered during DARK PHOENIX,
the twelfth installment in Fox's X-MEN-centric
film franchise and the direct sequel to 2016's
X-MEN: APOCALYPSE.
During
this scene we see former mass human murdering
mutant turned at peace with himself
communal hippie once again turned hostile Erik
"Magneto" Lensherr (Michael Fassbender)
getting fed up with frenemy Professor Charles
Xavier (James McAvoy) and his rhetoric...
Posted
June 15, 2019
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|
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BOOKSMART
(R)
A
near grade A high school comedy
BOOKSMART
doesn't so much transcend and rise above high
school teen comedy formulas as much as it does
tap into its already well worn genre playbook,
albeit with some nifty and fresh new
refinements.
Like
countless other examples that have come before
it, this film delves into a storyline of a
couple of graduating social outcasts desperately
trying to attain one last night of debauchery
and fun with the popular kids that have
previously shunned them...
Posted
June 15, 2019
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ROCKETMAN
(R)
Sing
us a song, you're the piano man!
ROCKETMAN
is a new music biography about select sections
of the life and times of Elton John, the iconic
English singer, songwriter, pianist, and
composer that has sold over a quarter of a
billion records worldwide, making him one of the
best selling artists in history.
It comes coasting in on the coattails, so to speak, of last year's
Oscar nominated BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, and
comparisons between the these two - albeit very
different - films is inevitable...
Posted
June 15, 2019
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|
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GODZILLA:
KING
OF THE MONSTERS
(R)
1/2
Let
them fight!
GODZILLA:
KING OF THE MONSTERS - the third film in Legendary
Pictures' self anointed
"MonsterVerse" - is pure and unapologetic
creature mayhem and city destruction
pornography.
It
comes off of director Gareth Edwards' underrated
cinematic universe starting installment, and
this new sequel is a bigger, louder, and most
definitely dumber sequel...
Posted
June 6, 2019
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ALADDIN
(PG)
Not
really a whole new world
Contrary
to what many people think, I don’t despise all
Disney remakes of their past animated
properties. I thought PETE’S DRAGON, for
example, was an absolutely stupendous remake and
one of the best family films of its year. And it
legitimately improved and expanded upon its
antecedent.
But
that also wasn’t a remake of a
cherished/iconic classic that was adored by both
critics and audiences...
Posted
June 6, 2019
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STARFISH
(No
MPAA Rating)
1/2
A
girl, an apocalypse, and a world saving mixtape
STARFISH
is an endlessly compelling, ambitious, and
audacious cinematic cocktail: Part scavenger
hunt mystery, part meditation on grief and
mourning, and part avant garde post apocalyptic
sci-fi, all thanklessly held together by
musician turned first time feature film director
A.T. White.
Unlike
so many witless and disposable works of movie
science fiction that exist primarily for visual
effects, mayhem and action, STARFISH is a
different and rarer breed of genre effort...
Posted
June 6, 2019
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BRIGHTBURN
(R)
Faster
than a speeding bullet and more kill happy than
Jason Voorhees...
One
of my favorite comic books growing up was
Marvel's WHAT IF, which featured alternate take
stories exploring various super heroes in its
universe that were decidedly different
from the established continuity.
It just made for juicy reading, and the
comic book covers for these issues were
hypnotically alluring (one of my favorites
involved a Spider-Man arc and featured the title
"What if Uncle Ben had Lived?")...
Posted
June 6, 2019
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JOHN
WICK:
CHAPTER
3 - PARABELLUM
(R)
He
knows gung fu...prepare for war
Third
films in an action franchise have absolutely no
business being as stupendously satisfying and
delivering on all tangible and promised levels
as much as JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM.
One thing dawned on me while watching
this sequel's unrelenting onslaught of
masterfully engineered and executed bedlam: Keanu
Reeves is 54-years-old.
Just...just let that settle in for a minute...
Posted
May 29, 2019
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WHAT
MEN WANT
(R)
1/2
A...better...remake...
than...this?
I'm
not technically against gender swapped remakes
of movies, regardless of genre.
However,
these remakes have to earn their keep and
justify their very existence. The
new romantic comedy WHAT MEN WANT - which is a
very loose remake of the 2000 Mel Gibson and
Helen Hunt starring romcom WHAT WOMEN WANT -
doesn't make for a strong case study in regards
to said pursuits...
Posted
May 29, 2019
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POKEMON:
DETECTIVE PIKACHU
(PG)
Some
mysteries aren't worth solving
To
quote its full title, POKEMON DETECTIVE PIKACHU
isn't a film made for me.
I
don't know much about Pokemon.
I'm not a fan of the Pokemon phenomenon.
I don't try to hunt and/or collect
Pokemon (either virtually or literally).
And maybe I don't simply get Pokemon.
But
I do know that POKEMON DETECTIVE PIKACHU
isn't so much a movie as it is a near two hour
product placement commercial...
Posted
May 20, 2019
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APOLLO
11
(PG)
A
doc for all mankind
There are very
few films these days that legitimately instill in me a childlike sensation
of awe and wonder in their sights and make me feel like I've been
thoroughly transported out of my cinema chair and into the events
transpiring on screen as an active participant. Todd Douglas
Miller's astonishing new documentary, simply titled APOLLO 11, is one of
those decidedly rare breeds of filmgoing experiences...
Posted
May 20, 2019
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DRAGGED
ACROSS CONCRETE
(R)
A
stone cold heist thriller
The thought of
seeing yet another crooked cops thriller really has very little appeal to
me these days, seeing as my time to screen movies is precious, not to
mention that the genre itself has been literally done to death over the
years. But
writer/director S. Craig Zahler's DRAGGED ACROSS CONCRETE has somewhat
renewed my faith in these types of films, mostly because it favors slow
burn intrigue and character dynamics versus action...
Posted
May 20, 2019
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LONG
SHOT
(R)
The
odd couple road to the White House
I
don't typically ask much of most romcoms. I
honestly don't.
Even
when their plots go down the most predictable of
paths all that I simply require out of them is
to make me care.
These films must give me two characters
that are likeable, relatable, and that I want to
see live on happily ever after just before the
end credits roll by...
Posted
May 15, 2019
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EXTREMELY
WICKED, SHOCKINGLY EVIL AND VILE
(No
MPAA Rating)
Confessions
of a serial killer
EXTREMELY
WICKED, SHOCKINGLY EVIL, AND VILE is an
extremely uneven, shockingly misguided, and dull
biographical crime thriller. It’s a
portrait of Ted Bundy - one of the most
loathsome serial killers of all time - and his
relationship with his then girlfriend before the
law caught up with him and his heinous crimes.
Sadly, this film is never really sure
what it wants to be about...
Posted
May 15, 2019
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AVENGERS:
ENDGAME
(PG-13)
We're
in the fan servicing endgame now, Tony...
I
remember screening the very first IRON MAN film
way, way back in 2008 and, for the
most part, shrugged off the final end credit
scene featuring a surprise cameo by Samuel L.
Jackson's S.H.I.E.L.D. head honcho Nick Fury
talking to Robert Downey Jr.'s metal clad hero
about "the Avengers Initiative."
Contemplating
the massive scope of what was promised here, I
turned to my friend at the time and whispered
into his ear that an AVENGERS film will
"never happen"...
Posted
May 6, 2019
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UNDER
THE SILVER LAKE
(R)
There's
a silver lining to this troubled production
After
the twisted, genre busting greatness of
writer/director David Robert Mitchell's 2014 art
house horror thriller IT FOLLOWS - which I
proudly placed on my list for the Ten Best Films
of that year - I was willing to jump down any
rabbit hole he placed in front of me moving
forward.
With its joyously and nostalgically synthesized
music score, slick direction, and crafty and sly
dissection of teen slasher film troupes, IT
FOLLOWS ushered Mitchell in as a bono fide
talent...
Posted
May 6, 2019
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MISS
BALA (PG-13)
An
AK-47 packing beauty queen
The
new crime thriller MISS BALA is one of those all
too frequent and frustrating filmgoing
experiences because it contains a wonderfully
authentic and textured lead performance that's
mostly betrayed from some extremely spotting
writing and weak handling of its would-be
compelling themes.
The
premise itself - if handled improperly - easily
inspires chuckles...
Posted
May 6 , 2019
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PET
SEMATARY
(R)
1/2
This
gravesite needs a spell check
I
have vague memories of the original 1989 film
adaptation of Stephen King's 1983 PET SEMATARY
horror novel, which places me, I guess, in a
somewhat advantageous place going into its
modern remake of the same name without having
any baggage.
As
to the number of changes and tweaks this Kevin
Kolsch and Denis Widmyer directed version makes
to the source material and the previous film
iteration I cannot say...
Posted
April 27, 2019
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REPLICAS
(R)
Man
playing God...the really dumb version
A few weeks ago I
appeared on live TV and defended Keanu Reeves for being a better actor
than he's often given credit for. I
also went on to explain that when he's given just the right character,
film, and director married to his unique skills then he can be a
commanding and charismatic screen presence (the recent JOHN WICK films
come to mind). However, I did
concede that the Canadian actor has most certainly delivered his fair share of
lousy performances and has appeared in many equally mediocre films over
the years...
Posted
April 27, 2019
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HELLBOY
(R)
1/2
Aw
crap
Back
in 2004 writer/director Guillermo del Toro
introduced movie audiences to the bizarre comic
book universe of HELLBOY, which in turn was born
in comic book form thanks to Mike Mignola.
I
enjoyed that film as a preposterously
imaginative fantasy that was unafraid to go
against the grain of obligatory genre fare of
the era.
That, and del Toro painted the screen
with luscious art direction and then cutting
edge visual effects...
Posted
April 25, 2019
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MISSING
LINK (PG)
1/2
Where
the not so wild things are
The
unendingly delightful and beautifully rendered
MISSING LINK is the latest stop motion animated
effort from Laika, the Oregon based studio that
previously made one of the best films of its
kind in 2016's KUBO AND THE TWO STRINGS (which,
incidentally, made my list of the Ten Best Films
of its year).
Their
follow-up effort could not be anymore different
in MISSING LINK...
Posted
April 25, 2019
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SHAZAM!
(PG-13)
1/2
HOLY
MOLEY!!!
How
is it even possible that a comic book character that premiered to readers
just a year after Superman in 1939, sold more comic books during the 1940s
than the Man of Steel, and has been a pretty consistently popular entity
for several decades has never had a lavish big screen live action film all
to his own?...
Posted
April 16, 2019
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A
DOG'S WAY HOME
(PG)
1/2
A
dog with fleas family drama
Full
disclosure: I'm more of a cat man. Sorry,
canine lovers. However, I
don't hate dogs. I like dogs
too. But I hate dumb movies about dogs. Actually, I hate dumb movies about any type of animal. I
just wanted to throw that all out there before I officially review A DOG'S
WAY HOME, just so I don't, as I move forward, come off as some smug feline
lover. Just to be clear,
there have been many movies involving talking animals - in one form or
another - that I've cherished...
Posted
April 16, 2019
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DUMBO
(PG)
Another
Disney remake that rarely soars
It's
utterly ironic that we can essentially thank Tim
Burton for the recent batch of Disney's live
action adaptations of their own cherished
animated classics. The
studio's recent and highly dubious business
practice as of late really began with Burton's
own large scale and lavish live action iteration
of their own ALICE IN WONDERLAND...
Posted
April 8, 2019
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THE
HIGHWAYMEN
(No
MPAA Rating)
On
the hunt for Bonnie and Clyde
When cinephiles
think of the Depression era criminal ways of Clyde Barrow and Bonnie
Parker it's pretty easy to deduce that Arthur Penn's iconic Warren Beatty
and Faye Dunaway starring 1960's film probably comes immediately to their
minds.
That fifty-plus year old classic deserves its legendary status
in the industry, most specifically for how incomparably important it was
for the then New Hollywood culture...
Posted
April 8, 2019
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THE
HUMMINGBIRD PROJECT
(PG-13)
1/2
The
butterfly Internet effect
THE HUMMINGBIRD
PROJECT is a new techno-thriller that's about a bunch of industrious
conmen that want to secretly install a vast fiber optic cable in the
ground running from Kansas to New York that, if successful, will allow
them a one millisecond advantage on all other investors in stock exchange
transactions, thereby making them rich. Now, maybe the
term techno-thriller could be used sarcastically in describing this
film...
Posted
April 8, 2019
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US
(R)
Invasion
of the body double snatchers
I
can't think of a single other filmmaker in
recent memory that has had as much of an
unlikely career transition and meteoric rise in
the industry as Jordan Peele.
He
went from writing and appearing in TV sketch
comedy as part of the two-man group Key and
Peele with Keegan Michael Key and literally
overnight became a member of the directorial
elite with his first feature film behind the
camera in 2017's GET OUT...
Posted
April 5, 2019
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FIVE
FEET PART (PG-13)
1/2
Lovers
in a dangerous time
FIVE FEET APART
is the kind of movie that polarized me more than any other that I've recently screened. Parts of me
greatly admired its layered and authentically rendered performances.
Other parts of me loathed this film for how shamefully manipulative
it was in using a particularly awful disease for the purposes of making
a pretty paint-by-numbers and on genre autopilot teen romance drama...
Posted
April 5, 2019
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CAPTIVE
STATE (PG-13)
A
sci-fi thriller held hostage by poor world
building
CAPTIVE
STATE is a new freedom fighters battling an
alien invasion and occupation sci-fi
thriller that has an awful lot of compelling
ideas and themes as far as this very overstuffed
genre goes. It's a tremendously ambitious
movie.
But,
gee whiz, it's also messily scripted, ineptly
edited, and, worst of all, quite dull overall,
which makes it especially hard to care about
anyone or anything in the story.
Plus, and this might sound weird, but
CAPTIVE STATE suffers from, well, being a
movie...
Posted
March 31, 2019
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TRIPLE
FRONTIER
(No
MPAA Rating)
One
last score
The
new Netflix original film TRIPLE FRONTIER boasts some serious talent
behind the scenes.
We have screenwriter Mark Boal, who previously penned and produced
ZERO DARK THIRTY as well as winning an Oscar for his script for the Best
Picture awarded THE HURT LOCKER.
Behind the camera for TRIPLE FRONTIER is J.C. Chandor, best known
for one of the best outdoor survival films ever made in 2013's ALL IS LOST...
Posted
March 31, 2019
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CAPTAIN
MARVEL
(PG-13)
1/2
I'm
just a girl in the world...
Yes, the fact
that CAPTAIN MARVEL is the Marvel Cinematic Universe's first solo super
hero entry that stars a woman and is co-written and directed by a woman is
definitely something to be celebrated. Having said that,
it's taken the MCU an unforgivably long time - twenty films and over ten
years, as a matter of fact - to release a female driven comic book film,
which means that CAPTAIN MARVEL is in the better late than never
category...
Posted
March 19, 2019
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FIGHTING
WITH MY FAMILY
(PG-13)
Do
ya smell what Paige is cookin'?
Part
dysfunctional family drama, part underdog overcoming all odds sports
biopic, and part WWE recruitment film, FIGHTING WITH MY FAMILY tells the
fact based story - with obvious dramatic embellishment and some blind eye
turning to history - of Saraya-Jade Bevis, an English professional
wrestling personality that would eventually adopt the moniker of
"Paige" and become one of the biggest female stars of the WWE...
Posted
March 19, 2019
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ARCTIC
(R)
1/2
A
most - ahem! - chilling outdoor survival
thriller
There
have been far too many man versus nature outdoor
survival thrillers over the years to seemingly
keep track of, which means that any filmmaker
trying to impart some much needed freshness of
approach in the well worn genre most certainly
has their work cut of for them.
Nevertheless,
I'm a real sucker for these type of films,
especially when they reduce ordinary people down
to their primal essence in a desperate attempt
to stave off thirst, hunger, predators, and
eventually death...
Posted
March 19, 2019
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