A film review by Craig J. Koban August 18, 2022

BULLET TRAIN   

2022, R, 127 mins.

Brad Pitt as Ladybug  /  Aaron Taylor-Johnson as Tangerine  /  Brian Tyree Henry as Lemon  /  Joey King as The Prince  /  Zazie Beetz as The Hornet  /  Bad Bunny as The Wolf  /  Andrew Koji as Kimura  /  Michael Shannon as The White Death  /  Hiroyuki Sanada as The Elder  /  Sandra Bullock as Maria Beetle

BULLET TRAIN is the kind of action thriller that's like a deliriously giddy kid on a bicycle that just made a training wheels free journey and is now screaming "Hey, look!  I did it!  Look at me!  Look at what I'm doing!  I'm doing it!!"  

Helmed by former stuntman turned director David Leitch (who previously co-directed one of the finest action thrillers of recent memory in JOHN WICK and then solo directed the terribly underrated ATOMIC BLONDE, the fairly enjoyable DEADPOOL 2, and the mostly disposable FAST AND FURIOUS spin-off HOBBS & SHAW), BULLET TRAIN is perhaps too naively enthusiastic with itself for its own good.  

I found this film to be such an over-caffeinated and exhausting experience that it frankly came off as smug.  That's not to say that Leitch has not made a slick and polished action flick, but rather that it's a runaway locomotive that doesn't know how or when to come to a complete stop.  One of the main failings of BULLET TRAIN is that it's a mostly ill-conceived hodgepodge of so many divergent elements: a preposterous cinematic cocktail of Quentin Tarantino and Guy Ritchie crossed morphed with the cheeky wink-to-the-audience irreverence of DEADPOOL and further cross pollinated with an Agatha Christie whodunit.  True to his form, Leitch does milk some inspired stunts and action set pieces out of this misguidedly bloated film, but BULLET TRAIN has more of the veneer of a glorified production demo reel than a fully realized film with a gripping hook and storyline.  There's nothing wrong with action pictures that are all about unrelenting and well sustained chaos (albeit when done superbly, ala MAD MAX: FURY ROAD), but Leitch's picture remains a hyperactive style versus substance affair and one that has many good actors doing what they can to make this relatively flimsy film work. 

And like the criminal lowlifes in RESERVOIR DOGS, all of these characters here have cool nicknames, like Ladybug (Brad Pitt), who's a former kick-ass and lethally efficient hitman that's about to board a bullet train on its way to Kyoto, Japan.  The mission that his handler (the star's identity I won't reveal) has given him is a relatively simple one: steal a highly wanted steel suitcase and promptly get off the train.  Complicating things is that Ladybug was not the first choice for the mission (he's a last minute replacement), not to mention that he refuses to arm himself while on said mission, stemming from a recent breakthrough that he had with his therapist that has allowed for him to have a new peaceful lease on life.  Simply put, he steadfastly refuses to kill anyone.  Predictably, there are many, many others that are also on board this same train that have mostly similar end games, like a pair of non-blood brother assassins named Tangerine (Aaron Taylor-Johnson) and Lemon (Brian Tyree Henry) that are escorting The Son (Logan Lerman).  There's also The Prince (Joey King) that's blackmailing Yuichi (Andrew Koji) to help her secure the case, or she'll have his hospitalized child killed.  Yuichi is the son of The Elder (Hiroyuki Sanada), who has personal stakes at play on the train that have something to do with the enigmatic and dangerous White Death (the star's identity I also won't reveal) that might be pulling everyone's strings.  Oh, and there's also a ruthless Mexican cartel hitman named The Wolf (Bad Bunny) that will stop at nothing to make Ladybug dead, even though the latter has no idea who The Wolf is or why he wants him six feet under.  Violent standoffs involving fists, feet, knives, guns, improvised train prop weapons (and even - uh huh - a venomous snake) ensue. 

On a positive, no one really goes to see films like BULLET TRAIN for sobering character dynamics and soulful drama; they go for the death defying, bone crunching and artery spewing action.  Leitch is clearly one of the best in the business when it comes to smooth choreography, clear-sighted visuals, and editorial fluidity in orchestrating action, and his resume does him justice in this regard.  The filmmaker is in his confident wheelhouse while harnessing his motley crew of colorful characters to go mano-a-mano using everything that's available in their arsenal in an attempt to exterminate one another.  Adding intrigue to the mix is that Pitt's Ladybug is a newfound pacifist after his anger management therapy, which means that Leitch and company have to come up with clever ways for him to defend himself throughout that would make Jackie Chain nod in approval.  Tied to this is the performance good will of Pitt himself, who perhaps has no equal in the industry when it comes to playing ultra chill and happy-go-lucky characters that are in touch with their feelings.  Not only does he figure in heavily and reliably into the action, but his nimble minded comedic timing is a welcome addition here as well.  You can really tell that Pitt is working overtime here to make BULLET TRAIN into...I dunno...something. 

Mournfully though, the rest of the film built around the always engaging and watchable Pitt is clunky, lumbering, and often has a distracting identity problem.  Leitch and screenwriter Zak Olkewic kind of want to have their cake and eat it too with BULLET TRAIN, especially for wanting to embrace - at times - the perpetual cartoony silliness of the proceedings and then - at other times - want to harness some of the inherent darkness of a few of the subplots.  This all leaves the film struggling for tonal cohesion, and the ricocheting nature of production comes at the expense of rendering any would-be dramatic moments null and void (this is also one of those films that wants us to believe that certain characters are dead, but then when brought conveniently back to life it elicits more groans than sighs of relief).  This is systemic to the overstuffed nature of the film as a whole, which prides itself on sheer quantity of characters versus the quality contained within.  All of them are driven by the same obligatory MacGuffin (the increasingly elusive briefcase) and - in bizarre flashbacks - we get glimpses into their respective psyches and backstories.  Almost all of them are tied to histories of hellish violence, with some reveling in the glory of the assassination kill (like Taylor-Johnson and Henry's boastful, trigger happy brothers) and almost all of them are tied together through revealed twists of fate.  But outside of Ladybug's Zen contentment and Tangerine and Lemon's unique family bonds, I rarely found any of the multiple personas that populate BULLET TRAIN to be compelling.  Even when the screenplay attempts to inject some nifty Tarantino-eque monologues and dialogue exchanges into the mix it all comes off more as a time killing element to help propel the film forward versus making these men and women feel like well rounded and developed characters.  There are so many instances in BULLET TRAIN when characters just can't stop nattering away; it's excessive and self-indulgent instead of being engaging.   

And speaking of characters, it should be mentioned that they and the film built around them are based on the Kotaro Isaka Japanese novel of the same name.  Now, since this story has Japanese ties and takes place in Japan it's a legitimate question to ask why so many of the characters presented here (including the main hero and the main villain himself) are played by white performers.  There have been reasonable minded accusations of BULLET TRAIN engaging in white washing, seeing as a majority of the characters in Isaka's book were Japanese.  To be fair, Leitch and his team have kept the Japanese locales and many of the side characters are Japanese, but that doesn't dismiss them from making Ladybug Caucasian and, more obviously so, The Prince as well (King is good in the role, but it's obvious that her overall look screams anime school girl).  We also get some Yakuza mobsters thrown into the mix, but they're mostly just one-note violent caricatures.  I'm sure the studio's rationale for its casting choices was in large part due to having Pitt's mug adorn the posters in an effort to market the film with A-list talent capable of netting huge box office.  Still, in the wake of films like EVERYONE EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE and PREY that celebrated and championed their Asian and First Nations representation respectively I'm left wondering why BULLET TRAIN didn't embrace a similar and larger spirit of cultural inclusiveness.