A film review by Craig J. Koban May 13, 2012
2012, PG-13, 104 mins.
2012, PG-13, 104 mins.
Paige: Rachel McAdams / Leo: Channing Tatum / Mrs. Thornton:
Jessica Lange / Mr. Thornton: Sam Neill / Jeremy: Scott
THE VOW can be aptly described as being part drama, part weepy romance...and part excruciatingly gag inducing.
It concerns a woman that
endures a horrible automobile accident and, as a result, suffers a
neurological impairment that affects her – dear Lord! – memories of her
husband, but just the period precisely from before the point of meeting him
and the present. The subject
matter is kind of ironic: here’s a romantic drama that’s about brain
trauma that feels written by screenwriters that suffer from the same
aliment. THE VOW is so
submissively manufactured as a pre-packaged Valentine's weekend offering that
it must have been the product of its writers putting up every conceivable
film romance cliché in the book on the wall to which they randomly threw darts
at them to decide what to include.
commits an intolerable sin: it begins with one of those annoyingly “this
film is inspired by real events” title cards that's just as a vague of a
claim as any film can make. No mention as to the actual people that inspired the film are
made in the film’s credits, so let me oblige you: THE VOW is based on
Kim and Krickitt Carpenter and how they suffered through enormous personal tragedy
several weeks after their marriage in 1993.
One fateful car accident led to Krickitt suffering from brain
trauma and irreversible amnesia. THE
VOW’s end title cards states that Krickitt’s memories of her husband
never returned, but they nonetheless re-fell back in love, married, and had kids.
What the film doesn’t tell you is that it was – in the
Carpenters’ own views – a staunch believe in God and their faith in
Jesus that allowed them to hook back up.
funny how that latter spiritual element made its way out of THE VOW, but it
certainly appears that just about any other fact-based precedent from the
Carpenters' story has been conveniently excised in order to throw in a
head-smacking number of easy-to-digest and conflict-free Harlequin romance
contrivances that all safely and securely march on to an inevitable
happily-ever-after conclusion. I
am very certain that life for the Carpenters was not simple: there must
have been serious emotional hardships to endure on their path to
reconnecting with one another, not to mention that dealing with anyone
riddled with something as mysterious and severely life altering as a brain
injury is not easy either. Yet,
in the make-believe fantasyland that populates THE VOW, reality and logic
(Rachel McAdams) and Leo (Channing Tatum) are a young Chicago couple (n the film’s world,
actually Toronto, which was the shooting location
augmented with some very obvious CGI landscaping) that seems like they’re
destined for a long life of happiness. Paige has long since defied her parents (played by a very
tired looking Jessica Lang and Sam Neil, performing as if they’re
wondering why they agreed to be in this dreck) and has moved to the big
city and enrolled at the School of the Art Institute where she hopes to
become an eminent sculptor. Leo
has his own high aspirations as well: he has just opened his own
independent recording studio and yearns to take young artists and mould
them into super stars…unless, of course, they haven’t already recorded their own tracks on the laptops at home.
night changes this couple’s lives forever. While Leo has stopped at a
snow-covered intersection Paige makes a cardinal blunder of unbuckling
herself from the passenger seat and expresses and interest to have sex
with her husband, which seems like a really, really stupid idea, seeing as
visibility is dreadful and parking in the middle of a busy icy street seems
like a logical no-no. Well, a
large truck does smash into their vehicle and thrusts Paige head first
through the front windshield and on to the hood of the car.
This footage should be required viewing at any Driver’s Ed
class…or anyone that wants to make as case for abstinence.
survives relatively unscathed, but Paige is left in a coma and suffers a debilitating
brain injury that – yup, wouldn’t you know it – causes her to lose all of
her memories from the last five years.
This means that she conveniently has no memory at all of falling in love with
and marrying Leo. Conveniently,
Paige remembers her family and her ex-fiancé, Jeremy (Scott Speedman) who manages
to conveniently find himself back in her life while she’s recovering. Paige's affluent and elitist parents don’t approve of her bohemian artist lifestyle, but since she conveniently has no memories of
their disapproval the father
conveniently tries to coerce her back to law school and back into the arms
of her former flame. Leo sees
all of these obstacles in his path, but nonetheless bolsters up his
determination to not lose the woman her loves forever.
used the word convenient an awful lot when describing this film’s plot, perhaps
because the script works on default autopilot throughout its 104 minutes.
I kind of rolled my eyes at the notion of Paige’s five-year
memory loss, which seems to be just long enough for her not to remember
meeting Leo, but not to forget her family and her ex-boyfriend.
She can drum up precise memories of her pre-Leo, pre-artist, and pre-estranged life with her mother and father, which allows for her
father’s easy manipulation of her.
The parents themselves and Speedman’s ex-husband-to-be characters
are less flesh and blood personas than they are stock character types we
have seen, like, thousands of times before: mother
and father are detestable and manipulative rich snobs that disapprove of
any of Paige’s lifestyle choices that they feel are beneath their
standards and Jeremy is really just there for the sake of butting heads with the increasingly exasperated
Leo and, in turn, to extrapolate some
artificial conflict from an otherwise stress-free screenplay.
and McAdams – as far as their performance styles are concerned - are
kind of ill matched in the film. One would hope that a scintilla of star chemistry between the
pair would help override the film’s laundry list of laughable story
machinations, but proverbial sparks never really fly as they should here.
McAdams is a limitlessly beautiful and headstrong actress that has
one of the most radiant, 1000 watt smiles of the movies, but she seems to be
letting her considerable talent get away from her in these types of
perfunctory romance film roles; after THE
NOTEBOOK (which, to be fair, I loved), THE TIME TRAVELER'S
WIFE (which, to be blunt, I despised) and now this she’s in danger being mournfully type-cast
for the rest of her career. Tatum
is not McAdams' thespian equal and seems to display even less emotive range
and conviction with each new dramatic role he takes. I championed him recently in his breakout comic role in 21
JUMP STREET, but only because he has found a niche in comedy and is only
tolerable in small dosages in drama. He has a goofy charm that makes
him a good fit for comedy, but with his breathless inflections, wooden mannerisms,
and stiff line readings, he's kind of out of his element in drama .
Yes, yes…I can understand that this film is not for me, but rather for non-discerning and rabid female fans of soap opera laced melodrama that hungrily salivate over this type of romantic drivel permeating our multiplexes. THE VOW is not really an enriching or uplifting emotional or dramatic experience because it does not elevate itself beyond the status of a banal and tailored-made date flick product. Less evolved viewers that find themselves taken in with this kind of syrupy, hanky-grabbing, and clunky claptrap theatrics will no doubt leave THE VOW feeling fulfilled. For everyone else that’s not a sucker for its patronizing, road-most-traveled formulas, a coma would be more of an endearing experience.